Posts Tagged ‘Humorous’

Johannes Cabal the DetectiveWe left off last time having decided to make a version of our favourite necromancer using the D6 Adventure rules which are available under the OGL. Now, normally when I put together a character I use the rules as written, trying to figure out how to really make the character for the game. In this case, however, I’m going to make an exception. Cabal is so unique that I can’t imagine any base generation process being able to capture all that he is. So out the window with the rules, and we’ll try to stay true to form for the man, hopefully not ruining any hope of play balance in the process!

So on with the Necromancer! And I have to start with a picture…this is honestly what comes to mind for me when I’m reading. This is the Cabal of my mind’s eye…
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tumblr_static_johannes-cabal-the-necromancer-coverI fell in love with the writing of Mr Howard when I read the first Johannes Cabal novel, Johannes Cabal the Necromancer. I’ve just recently picked up a copy of the second book, Johannes Cabal the Detective, and since I’m nothing if not easily influenced I immediately started thinking on how to play this as a game.

The first question was what rules to use?
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I was flipping through my Call of Cthulhu rules the other day, while listening to “The Shadow Out of Tim” by the Darkest of the Hillside Thickets (highly recommended btw) when I was somehow struck by the idea of a sit-com idea, informed by HP’s writing.  Then after the first, came another…and another!  And, of course, my first thought was: how can I play this as an RPG??

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The Office Magic User

Posted: February 16, 2010 in Uncategorized
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I was talking with E today about the “competency levels” she has to deal with at work.  These are odd creatures like “Level two in developing others” and “level four in status reports” and other good things like that.  I said how I figured that if she were to do two more levels in the dungeon crawl she’d probably have enough XP to level up.  And as a bonus, I said, she could get another spell too!  That, of course, lead us off on a discussion of what sorts of spells that could be.  She said that it’d make an awesome blog post and so I felt utterly compelled to write it up!

So now, without further ado, is the grimoire of office spells:

Magic User
Detect Management – Actually it’s pretty easy to find, I think.  It’s leadership that’s rather difficult to come across.

Distract Management – much as we’d like to dispell them, I don’t think that’s possible.  The best we can hope is to distract them and let us get on with our jobs.  The somatic component of this spell is wild hand waving and pointing at a non-existant or irrelevent problem elsewhere.

Silence Blowhard (reversable) – reverse version is Belabour the obvious, verbal and somatic components are a loud librarian shush with finger to the lips, or a bitch slap, caster’s choice (I know what I’d pick)

Leomund’s Tiny Meeting room – If your place is anything like mine or E’s, you can never find a meeting room when you need one.  Either they’re booked solid with recurring meetings originally set up during Laurier’s first term in office, or else they’re unbooked but the door’s closed and someone’s having a tryst inside.  Either way, no work’s getting done.  This spell creates a door in a blank wall that leads to a meeting room for the exact number of people you have attending, includes comfy chairs, a whiteboard (with markers!) and a networked PC that really works.  After seventh level, the meeting room also includes a coffee service.  There are danishes too if cast before noon.

Leomund’s Tiny Business Centre – just like the Tiny Meeting Room, but includes a working photocopier stocked with paper and toner, that never jams, and similarly equipped color and black and white printers.  Any office supplies needed are automatically available in the unlockable steel cabinet against the wall.

Cleric Spells
Create Deck – if it was a wood deck it’d be a druid spell, but no, this is a Powerpoint Deck; 35 full color slides on any topic the caster chooses, and it makes sense too!

Create Clue – for those in the office who don’t have one but could sure use one

Protection from Bureaucracy – gives a sphere of protection from stupid, bureaucratic rules in a 10′ radius around the caster.  No bureaucracy is allowed within the sphere for the (all too short) duration of the spell.

Retire – everyone’s goal!  The material component of this spell is a *large* bank balance.

Druid Spells
Trim deadwood – this produces a large cudgle magically welded to the caster’s hand.  The caster then walks around the office “tapping” the deadwood and magically they all go away!

Save a tree – removes all trace of toner from paper to allow reuse of the 600 page document that someone printed (twice!) and then left sitting on the printer in the business centre for two weeks

Illusionist Spells
Illusion of competence – Lulls viewers into the sense that whatever staff it’s been cast upon actually know their jobs and have a clue as to what they’re doing and how to do it.  The illusion is shattered by actually looking at what they’re doing (playing minesweeper) or asking them a question.

Let me know what I’ve missed!